Two December’s ago, I had the privilege to listen to Dr. Greg Dale speak at the AVCA Convention on the topic presented in this article. Gregory A. Dale, Ph.D. is a Professor of Sport Psychology and Sport Ethics at Duke University. He is also the Director of Mental Training and Co-Director of the Leadership Program for Duke Athletics. In addition to his work with Duke athletes and coaches, Greg consults with numerous college and professional athletes and teams as well as corporate groups. Greg has written three books related to leadership and performance. He is also a member of the Sport Psychology Staff for USA Track and Field and is a dynamic speaker who provides a variety of interactive and innovative workshops around the country and the world.
The Seven Secrets of Successful Coaches: How to Unlock and Unleash Your Team’s Full Potential
Greg Dale works at Duke University in the Athletic Department. He was hired full time to work with the coaches and athletes on the mental aspects of performance and has had the privilege of working a lot with the volleyball team. In addition, he has taught a Duke, worked with professional teams and in the corporate world. However, his main job is in the Duke Athletic Department.
Dale is a former high school and middle school coach up in New York City and down in San Antonio, TX, where he is from originally. He has a real passion for trying to help coaches create an environment where kids can be successful.
This past December, Dale presented an educational session at the AVCA Convention in Sacramento, Calif., on “The Seven Secrets of Successful Coaches: How to Unlock and Unleash Your Team’s Full Potential.” What follows is a partial/edited transcript of his presentation. You can listen to the full presentation on the AVCA Web site. Just click on the red Education tab on the left side of the AVCA Web site, enter your username and password and follow the links to the presentations.
As we go through these “Seven Secrets of Successful Coaches,” you’re going to see things that aren’t necessarily a secret. These are things that I think we should all be striving for in terms of being successful and in terms of creating an environment where our kids can truly be successful.
When you have an environment where kids want to play for themselves, want to (play) for each other, but they also love playing for their coach, you have a great thing going.
So, let’s move on to these “Seven Secrets of Successful Coaching.” This is not rocket science, but I do want you to think about it.
Number one is Character. I think that coaches that are credible have character. One thing I think you have to be willing to do is make the tough decision regardless of the consequence of that decision.
What’s the classic case where it might be difficult for the coach to make the right choice regardless of the consequence? You’re All-American/All-State player violated a rule, right?
I’m going to paint a very hypothetical scenario for you. Let’s say your best player goes out and break a rule. Let’s just say it’s a drinking rule and you’ve said that if you break this rule, you don’t play the next game. But, that next game is the regional final, or the national semifinal, state championship or conference final. What do you think happens to your credibility in the eyes of all those kids on your team if you allow that star athlete to play? When you have said ahead of time, if you break this rule, you don’t play.
(Some of you might ask), aren’t you punishing the whole team? I would say that’s a rationalization. We rationalize that we’re hurting the whole team. Guess what. You’re not hurting the team. That kid’s choice is the one that’s hurting the team.
Are you in coaching about the significance of teaching that young man or young woman a lesson for life, or are you in it about winning? I’m not telling you it is an easy choice. But, I think if you sit your star player down, that sends a pretty good message that you mean business. That, if you said it, then you have to follow through with that. Alright.
Now, some coaches will say, “Well, I’ll put it out to a vote to all the kids and ask them what they think.” Let’s see… 16-, 17-, 18-kids, you ask them, should our star athlete play in the big championship game, what are they going to say? More often than not, they’re going to say yes.
I’m going to challenge you that more often than not, your kids are going to rise to the occasion and do very well. And I would challenge you that (if you play that athlete) you might win that next game, but you will lose for the next three or four years in your program because your kids are not going to respect you. You’re going to lose credibility if you are not willing to make that tough choice. It’s a hard decision.
I also think you have to be honest with people. The first time you are dishonest with people, you’re going to lose credibility. Now, coaches do this very unwittingly sometimes. This might sound like a simple thing, but if you say to your kids… “If you guys work really hard, we’re going to get out of here at 5 o’clock today.” Then, 5:15 rolls around, and you’re still out there. 5:30 rolls around, and you’re still out there. 5:45 … Three days later, “If you girls work really hard today, we’re going to get out of here at 5 o’clock today.” Again, 5:15 rolls around, 5:30… After a while, what’s going to start to happen when you say, “If we work really hard today, we’re going to get out of here at 5 o’clock?” What’s going to happen? Nothing.
I think it does two things. Number one, they’re going to think, “Yeah, right, we’re going to get out of here at 5 o’clock.” It starts to undermine your credibility. Second, I think that in some cases it can undermine the quality of your practice, because you’ve got some kids who are going to hold something back. “Why should I bust my hump through 5 o’clock, give you everything I’ve got, when who knows when this things going to end.”
Now, I’m not saying that some days you’re going to have to leave them out there. But, if you are going to use that as a motivator, then you’ve got to try to stick with that. If you promise it, if you say it, you’ve got to follow through with that. It’s very important.
A coach on character…“The legacy I want to leave is doing things right, doing things ethically, doing things morally, being competitive, yet classly. Would I love to a national championship? Absolutely, it’s something I dream about. But, I won’t do it at all costs. I won’t sell my soul for a national championship.”
– Rhonda Revelle, women’s softball coach at the University of Nebraska.
Number two is Competence. How long does it take your kids to figure out you don’t know what the heck you’re talking about? 30 seconds? 15 minutes? Not very long, right?
Well, here’s a couple things. Obviously, you have got to know the game of volleyball. And, you are here (at the AVCA Convention), you’re learning that. You’re learning new and better ways to do things. But, you better know your stuff.
Here’s another thing… are you innovative? Your athletes want to know they have a coach on the cutting edge, who’s willing to at least look at if there is a different way that we can do this? Now, you might discover there isn’t a different way, but you have to be open (to look at things).
For those of you who are head coaches, do you have yes people working for you, or do you have people that can challenge you? Challenge you, ask you or say. “I don’t think that’s the best way to do this because of this.” If you don’t, you need to create an environment where people can begin to do that. Your assistant coaches have to deal with challenge a little bit.
I know our women’s basketball staff before Gail (Goestenkors) went on to the University of Texas, had been together for about 12 years. You know what she made her staff do? She made the assistant coaches switch positions. The person who was coaching the post players found out in the spring that she was now going to be coaching the guards. Boy, that assistant coach went and learned everything she could about coaching guards. The other one learned about coaching post players. That’s pretty drastic, right? But, she felt like they were becoming complacent. They were not doing the things that they needed to do to be innovative.
A coaches on confidence…”You’ve got to always be looking for new and better ways to do what we’re doing.” – Mary Wise, women’s volleyball coach, University of Florida
Number three is Commitment. How do you demonstrate that you’re committed? Time, absolutely. What else? Be prepared everyday. If you don’t post practice plans, I encouraged you to do that. Jolene Nagel, Duke’s volleyball coach, does that. It’s not real detailed, but I think it get our kids an opportunity, mentally, to make the transition from being a student to now being an athlete. It also helps you to get organized. I would encourage you to do that.
What else? Feedback and evaluation. You’re willing to give that. What else? Effort. If you’re putting forth the effort. Keeping up with technology, absolutely.
Here’s the thing, I think if I were to ask each of your kids separately, what are three to four core values of your program, would they all say the same thing? If they wouldn’t, you need to do something about that.
What are your three or four core values that you’re not going sacrifice no matter what? That’s important because I think your values are what drives your mission, it’s what drives your goals, it’s what drives your rules of engagement, and it drives everything that you do. If you haven’t spent any time on that, you need to spend some time on that. Your athletes want to know they have got a coach who is passionate and works really hard.
I would also tell you that when you work really hard, and do all this stuff that you’re so passionate about, what are you supposed to do when you go home? What do you do with all that stuff? Are you supposed to bring all that home with you? Are you supposed to try to let it go? How many of you do really well with that, letting it go?
I just want to tell you about something I read. I (read an article about) the divorce rates in America and it looked at different professions. The national average is about 50%. They looked at the coaching profession; and guess what that is compared to the national average? It’s higher. Part of it is that we care so much about what we do, that when we go home we might be there physically, but mentally and emotionally, we’re back coaching.
Tom Osborne, the former football coach at Nebraska, every Wednesday night during the season, not in the off season, but during the season, was date night with his wife. They would go out and talk about anything and everything but football. They’d talk about their own kids and their relationships. I would encourage you to think about that.
Number four is Caring. If I were to put these in any order, this would be right up there with a coach’s character. But, do you think it’s important that your kids know you care about them? Yes. They don’t say how much you know, so they know how much you care. It’s absolutely critical.
There’s a coach who’s interviewing for a job at Duke and knows the game better than anybody else, but doesn’t really care about his kids. That guy is probably not going to get the job. You have to be able to do both of those.
How do you show your kids you care about them? What can you do to try to specifically show that you care about them?
Take the time to listen. How are they’re doing, how’s school? I would encourage you that if you don’t know when your kids’ birthdays are, you should know when their birthdays are. I’m not saying that you have to have party hats and cupcakes and sing Happy Birthday to everybody. But what is it going to mean to one of those kids who’s on the fringe, who doesn’t play a lot, or is one of your role players? You go up to them before practice and say, hey Happy Birthday, hope things are going well today, I’m glad you’re on this team, I really appreciate what you do. Then, when you ask that kid to go out and work a little harder, he or she is more likely to do that because you took the time to notice.
If you don’t have the time of day for kids when they’re injured, if you don’t talk to them when they’re injured, that sends a pretty good message that I don’t really care about you unless you can help me win. Think about that. If you have a kid who is legitimately injured, you’ve got to spend time with those kids, even if they’re not one of your star players.
Coaches on caring…“I think that when a kid finishes a sport, they remember number one, their friendships, number two their relationship with their coach. They don’t remember a win, though obviously they’re going to remember some of them. Overall, that’s not what they remember. And they don’t remember if he or she was good at x’s and o’s, they remember that coach cared about (them) or did she not.” – Gail Goestenkors, former Duke women’s basketball coach, now coaching at the University of Texas.
Number five is Confidence Building. Do you have an impact on the ways your kids are confident or not? Absolutely. Yet, I see coaches everyday doing things to undermine that one thing, that intangible, that you absolutely need to have to be up there when it is time to serve for the match at the end of the game. You have got to have a kid that’s confident. It’s really, really important.
I think as a coach, if you’re not challenging people, if you’re not getting in their grill to challenge them to become greater than they can be, then you’re doing them a disservice. So how do you challenge people without destroying their confidence? I think that’s at the core of what we call a coach.
So how do we do that? We’ve got to understand that most of the mistakes aren’t made on purpose. When was the last time that you had kid purposely serve the ball into the net? Anybody have kids that do that? What about serving the ball out, or hitting the ball out? The kids are not trying to screw up on purpose, so why do we forget about this sometimes? Because you want to win.
You’ve got to think about that. I don’t know a kid who purposely screws up on purpose. A lot of them defeat their mistakes whenever possible. Now, obviously, you have rotations and kids come in and out, but what happens if every time a kid makes a mistake he or she looks over to where you are and is thinking about what the response is going to be from the sidelines about that mistake? What do you do as a coach? What kind of environment are you creating? Fear?
The quickest way to create fear of failure is to punish them when they fail. How would you describe an athlete that’s afraid to fail? How would you describe that person as an athlete? Competitive. Perfectionist. Trying to aim that ball, taking a little bit off that top spin to try to get it in, right? Absolutely, and as a coach, if every time they make a mistake you’re throwing your clipboard down and you’re yelling at them or you’re screaming at them, you’re going to create an environment where kids are going to shy away from that.
I think that we’re motivated in one of two ways. We’re motivated to pursue success or motivated to avoid failure. Which environment do you create? To avoid failure? I know, it’s hard. The thing is, they’re going to reach more of their potential if they’re pursuing success than they are avoiding failure.
You’ve got to create an environment where your kids know that as long as they’re working hard and they’re going for it, that they don’t have to worry about every time they make a mistake what’s going to happen. You’ve got to try to create an environment where for the most part they can play.
You also have to create an environment where everybody feels good about themselves, and what they can do. One coach talked about his high school basketball coach who was the best he ever had. He said, you want to know why? Because he made everybody on that team feel like he was a valuable part of his team.
Here’s something I would encourage you to think about. Let’s say your team has won a match, done really, really well, but you have a kid who didn’t get to play or didn’t play that much, but worked her butt off all week at practice. What a great opportunity – but you have to know your kids though, because maybe she doesn’t want you to do this –why don’t you point her out. “(Your work in practice) is one of the reasons we won tonight. You did this, I saw you do this on Tuesday, I saw you did that in another practice.”
The kids that played are going to get the satisfaction of playing. The kids who are your stars are going to see their names in the paper and all that stuff. But, what about that kid that you need to play that role of the role player. You have to notice it sometimes when it counts. Think about doing that with the kids.
Number six is Communicator. Before, during and after competition.
Before competition. I think you have to avoid saying things with “but…”. “We’re really banged up, but…” “It was a long bus ride over here, but…” What do you do when you do that? You’re giving them an out. You need to avoid doing that.
During competition. The first opportunity you have to interact with someone, I would encourage you that the first thing you should do is ask them, “What did you see out there?” Maybe as a head coach you don’t have an opportunity, so maybe your assistant can do this. Then you, or your assistant, can tell the player what you saw. And then you or your assistant can say, “I think the most important part of it is, how are you going to fix that.”
High school kids can do this, I’m telling you. I’ve seen it done, and, then you can say, “that’s exactly right,” or, you can say, “I think you need to do this.”
I have heard coaches, who time and time again say, that’s a much more constructive 10, 20, or 30 second interaction than yelling and screaming at them, and then becoming defensive about why you’re doing it.
Another example. When you call a time out and you call everybody over and tell them what you want them to do. Have you ever done that and then they go out there and it doesn’t look anything like what you asked them to do?
Part of the reason why is because, like some of you (in this session), you’re looking at me and your thinking about what you’re going to eat lunch a little bit later. (Same thing) in that huddle. You’ve got one kid thinking about the mistake she just made, you’ve got one kid who’s thinking about how the official is hosing them today and not giving them any calls, and maybe you’ve got one kid who’s thinking about who’s watching them in the stands.
Here’s what you should do. If you’re the head coach and you have time (or maybe have one of your assistants do it), point to one of the kids and say, “what did I just ask you to do?” You might be surprised.
We had an All-American at Duke, Alana Beard in women’s basketball. The first time Gail asked her what did I just say, it had nothing to do with what she just said. They’re looking at you, but they’re not always hearing you. It’s really important to think about that. You should also let your kids know that you’re going to do that. It makes them aware of it from the beginning.
After competition. If you don’t have anything good to say, then you should wait 24 hours to say it. Dean Smith, the coach who coached at that other place down the road said, “I learned early on, if I didn’t have anything good to say, I wait 24 hours.” Because, here’s the thing… When you go in to the locker room and you rip them, and you vent on them, there’s one person in that room who feels just a little bit better when you are done. Who is that? You!
Also, the word “don’t”… you need to remove it from your vocabulary. “Don’t serve into the net.” “What ever you do right now, don’t think about pink elephants.” You’re body doesn’t hear the word “don’t,” it hears what comes after it. Hit the ball in the net. Hit it long. Hit it short. Whatever it is you’re saying to your kid, you need to always tell them what you do want them to do..
Lastly, have somebody film you during matches. Point the video camera on you and, if anything, put it within ear shot, so (you can see) what is it like to be an athlete on the court with you on the sideline. Are you a raving lunatic over there? Or are you calm, in control and confident in those crucial situations. Watch it sometime and see what you look like.
Last, but not least, is number seven, Consistency. Ok, some days, do you feel “washed out” before practice? You don’t know whether you are coming or going. Or, some days, things are going to happen to you that you don’t anticipate, right?
Now, do your kids have to worry each day what kind of mood you’re going to be in? If they do, I’m challenging you, you’re never going to reach your potential as a coach, and your team isn’t either. You’ve got to be consistent.
You’ve got to figure out a way to steal five minutes (before a practice) to allow yourself to let go of all the other “stuff” that has happened to you that day, and come and be ready to go. You want them (your athletes) to show up in a pretty good mood and ready to work hard. They expect the same thing from us.
There are teams that I know that sit around with their assistant coaches and trainers and ask what kind of mood is coach in today. And there’s one team that can tell when the coach walks in the door what mood he’s in. “Oh, it’s going to suck today. Look at him. He’s pissed about something.” That is not a good thing.
Coaches on consistency… “If I come into practice on a downer, that’s how the players will respond. My job, no matter what’s transpired, is at 3 o’clock is to come in focused and ready to go. They deserve that. That’s what I get paid for. They deserve my best effort and that’s to be consistent. If we expect consistency from them, they have to see if from us.” – Mary Wise, women’s volleyball coach, University of Florida.
“As a coach, yet to be consistent. I haven’t always been that way, but I’m learning that athletes perform better if they know what to expect from their coach.” – Tony Dungy, Indianapolis Colts.
The last thing I want to leave you with is a poem that we’ve adapted for coaches. It’s called “How You Live Your Dash.”
Think about this…
On your tombstone, when you die, you have the day you were born and you have the day you die. Your life essentially comes down to that little dash between those two years.
Same thing with your coaching career, which is obviously even shorter than that… What does that represent.
Here’s the poem…
I heard of a man who stood to speak
At the retirement banquet of a coaching friend.
He referred to the dates of the coach’s career from the beginning to the end.
He noted the first and last day of the coach’s time
and spoke the dates with tears.
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time
That he spent coaching on earth.
And now only those who loved and played for him
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not how much we win;
The trophies … The records … The cash,
What matters most is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard,
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way our athletes feel.
And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.
If we treat our athletes with respect,
And more often wear a smile,
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last awhile.
So, when your coaching career comes to an end
With your life’s actions to rehash…
Would you be proud of the things your athletes say
About how you spent your dash?
This poem was adapted for coaches by Greg Dale and Jeff Janssen from “The Dash,” a poem by Linda Ellis of Linda’s Lyrics www.lindaslyrics.com
For more information about Greg Dale, to schedule him to speak to your organization or to purchase one of his books, go to his web site at http://excellenceinperformance.com/drdale/. You can also e-mail him at gdale@dule.edu or call 919-401-9640.