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Positive Coaching

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Positive Coaching

Posted on 16 June 2014 by Chuck Rey

The Harvard Business Review again supports my positive coaching style.

Positive Negative conversations Positive Coaching volleyball

 

 

The Neurochemistry of Positive Conversations

by Judith E. Glaser and Richard D. Glaser  |   11:00 AM June 12, 2014

Why do negative comments and conversations stick with us so much longer than positive ones?

A critique from a boss, a disagreement with a colleague, a fight with a friend – the sting from any of these can make you forget a month’s worth of praise or accord. If you’ve been called lazy, careless, or a disappointment, you’re likely to remember and internalize it. It’s somehow easier to forget, or discount, all the times people have said you’re talented or conscientious or that you make them proud.

Chemistry plays a big role in this phenomenon. When we face criticism, rejection or fear, when we feel marginalized or minimized, our bodies produce higher levels of cortisol, a hormone that shuts down the thinking center of our brains and activates conflict aversion and protection behaviors. We become more reactive and sensitive. We often perceive even greater judgment and negativity than actually exists. And these effects can last for 26 hours or more, imprinting the interaction on our memories and magnifying the impact it has on our future behavior. Cortisol functions like a sustained-release tablet – the more we ruminate about our fear, the longer the impact.

Positive comments and conversations produce a chemical reaction too. They spur the production of oxytocin, a feel-good hormone that elevates our ability to communicate, collaborate and trust others by activating networks in our prefrontal cortex. But oxytocin metabolizes more quickly than cortisol, so its effects are less dramatic and long-lasting.

This “chemistry of conversations” is why it’s so critical for all of us –especially managers – to be more mindful about our interactions. Behaviors that increase cortisol levels reduce what I call “Conversational Intelligence” or “C-IQ,” or a person’s ability to connect and think innovatively, empathetically, creatively and strategically with others. Behaviors that spark oxytocin, by contrast, raise C-IQ.

Over the past 30 years, I’ve helped leaders at companies including Boehringer Ingelheim, Clairol, Donna Karen, Exide Technologies, Burberry, and Coach learn to boost performance with better C-IQ. Recently, my consultancy, The CreatingWE Institute, also partnered with Ryan Smith, CEO of Qualtrics, the world’s largest online survey software company, to analyze the frequency of negative (cortisol-producing) versus positive (oxytocin-producing) interactions in today’s workplaces. We asked managers how often they engaged in several behaviors — some positive, and others negative — on a scale of 0 through 5, in which 0 was “never” and 5 was “always.”

The good news is that managers appear to be using positive, oxytocin and C-IQ elevating behaviors more often than negative behaviors. Survey respondents said that they exhibited all five positive behaviors, such as “showing concern for others” more frequently than all five negative ones, such as “pretending to be listening.” However, most respondents – approximately 85% — also admitted to “sometimes” acting in ways that could derail not only specific interactions but also future relationships. And, unfortunately, when leaders exhibit both types of behaviors it creates dissonance or uncertainty in followers’ brains, spurring cortisol production and reducing CI-Q.

Consider Rob, a senior executive from Verizon. He thought of himself as a “best practices” leader who told people what to do, set clear goals, and challenged his team to produce high quality results. But when one of his direct reports had a minor heart attack, and three others asked HR to move to be transferred off his team, he realized there was a problem.

Observing Rob’s conversational patterns for a few weeks, I saw clearly that the negative (cortisol-producing) behaviors easily outweighed the positive (oxytocin-producing) behaviors. Instead of asking questions to stimulate discussion, showing concern for others, and painting a compelling picture of shared success, his tendency was to tell and sell his ideas, entering most discussions with a fixed opinion, determined to convince others he was right. He was not open to others’ influence; he failed to listen to connect.

When I explained this to Rob, and told him about the chemical impact his behavior was having on his employees, he vowed to change, and it worked. A few weeks later, a member of his team even asked me: “What did you give my boss to drink?”

I’m not suggesting that you can’t ever demand results or deliver difficult feedback. But it’s important to do so in a way that is perceived as inclusive and supportive, thereby limiting cortisol production and hopefully stimulating oxytocin instead. Be mindful of the behaviors that open us up, and those that close us down, in our relationships. Harness the chemistry of conversations.

More blog posts by Judith E. Glaser and Richard D. Glaser

JUDITH E. GLASER

Judith E. Glaser is the CEO of Benchmark Communications and the chairman of The Creating WE Institute. She is the author of six books, including Creating WE (Platinum Press, 2005) and Conversational Intelligence (BiblioMotion, 2013), and a consultant to Fortune 500 companies.

RICHARD D. GLASER

Richard D. Glaser received his Ph.D. in Biochemistry and has worked in the pharmaceutical and biotechnology industries for his entire professional career. He is a founding member of The CreatingWE Institute.

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What matters most in coaching

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What matters most in coaching

Posted on 10 June 2014 by Chuck Rey

 What matters most in coaching volleyball

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks Vern Gambetta for his wisdom and insight into coaching longevity.

If I were writing this 30 or 40 years ago it would have been a very different blog post. I would have focused on technical knowledge, the importance of understanding training theory and the nuances of periodization. Don’t get me wrong all of that is important if you want to be a good coach, but if you want to be a great coach there is more to it than that. The technical part can be learned fairly easily through study, observation and practice. The difference makers are what some people would call the intangibles, the social and emotional intelligence that allows you to connect with you athletes, your colleagues, administrators and parents on another level.

Simply put it is mastery of communication skills.

All the knowledge in the world is for naught if you can’t communicate it. We coach people, people who respond to coaches who show they care about them as people. It is the little things that count, a smile, a pat on the back, an admonition to try harder or simply the tone of voice and body language when making a correction. I wish I would have figured this out earlier in my career. I can’t help but think about how much more effective I could have been as a coach and happier as a person. Learn from my mistakes, work on the intangibles raise your level of emotional and social intelligence to new heights, hone your communication skills to a fine edge and you will be the best coach you can be. That is all we can ask.

I’ve been fortunate to learn this from one of the best in the business in Head Coach Carolyn Condit here at Miami University. She is not only a master of communication skills, but also relationship skills. There are no books or words that can explain this form of mastery. It is experience and upbringing that molds a master coach.

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Specialization in Volleyball

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Specialization in Volleyball

Posted on 07 February 2014 by Chuck Rey

Matt Anderson skier 300x177 Specialization in Volleyball volleyballSpecialization in Volleyball is a big topic. Hugh McCutcheon wants players that are good in all six skills, but great at one or two skills. Doug Beal stated, “Great specialization always equals greater success.” Kessel always wrote a piece “Specialization is for Insect“. Wired Magazine just came out with an article that touches on specialization of a skier:

In the past, Nyman chased new ideas, grasping for something that would stick: new ski designs, different cardio training approaches, regimented sleep patterns. It was the opposite of a clear, focused approach. With so many moving parts, it was impossible to see what was really working, and the mental burden was overwhelming. A session with his psychologist crystallized the problem for Nyman: “He said, ‘I want you to listen to music, watch TV, and read a book all at the same time and tell me what happened in all three,’ and it really clicked with me, made it all simpler.” It’s all about accepting that he can’t control everything or be the best at every aspect of skiing, and using data to find a few differentiating factors that are most likely to give him a competitive advantage. “He’s tried all kinds of different ideas, at many different times, but this process is working,” Rearick says. “The science has helped him see what’s important.”

I want to be great at all things to all people. I realize this is impossible. As Bill Cosby says, “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”

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Who is Karch Kiraly?!?!

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Who is Karch Kiraly?!?!

Posted on 12 August 2013 by Chuck Rey

8 11 13 Karch Kiraly in Huddle 300x200 Who is Karch Kiraly?!?! volleyballAfter a great sand workout with my Miami Volleyball Team this morning, it quickly turned into a solemn day when one of the players asked, “Who is Karch Kiraly?”. We quickly learned that 5 of our 10 players did not know who Karch Kiraly is? I/We are obviously not doing a good job educating our kids on the history of the game or even offering recognition to our current players and team. Karch is still in the USA Volleyball news at least weekly with the USA Women’s National Team.

I need to do a better job… Continue Reading

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Are You a Maker or Taker?

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Are You a Maker or Taker?

Posted on 24 July 2013 by Chuck Rey

read volleyball Are You a Maker or Taker? volleyballHumbly, I’ve received a few compliments on my blog writings from people I have much respect and admiration. I’m not fishing for compliments, but I did score a whopping 380 on the English portion of my SAT (yes, a few of my friends joked that you earn 380 points just for writing your name on the SAT!). I also had to take a remedial English class at Arizona State University (thank goodness for an almost perfect SAT math score – thus my affection of statistics). Continue Reading

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Best Friends and the 7 Team Cultures

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Best Friends and the 7 Team Cultures

Posted on 08 July 2013 by Chuck Rey

Saw this post come across my feed this morning. I think it speaks volumes. I’m not the type of coach that frowns upon friendships within a team and certainly team chemistry is essential to team success, but I also believe too many teams are cultivating a country club/sorority type structure within today’s athlete. The pendulum has swung a little too far; balance is essential. Continue Reading

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What to do when they Cry!

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What to do when they Cry!

Posted on 06 June 2013 by Chuck Rey

volleyball defeat cry What to do when they Cry! volleyballIf you’ve ever coached a volleyball team, you just might have had a few players cry. Hopefully, they are tears of joy after a tremendous victory, but most of the time the tears seem trivial to a coach. Some cry while playing on the court (even during a point!), some on the bench, a few in practice, on the bus, at a team meal, in your office, etc. It happens at times least expected, and often times it seems when things are going well for the team. How can a player be crying when we are on this winning streak?!?! Continue Reading

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Terms to Understand Generation iY

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Terms to Understand Generation iY

Posted on 04 June 2013 by Chuck Rey

Eight Terms to Understand Generation iY

June 4, 2013 — By: Tim Elmore

generation me volleyball Terms to Understand Generation iY volleyball

 

I know, I know. One minute you think you’ve figure out this new generation of kids and the next, you feel you’re on a learning curve again. I get to spend a lot of time with university students these days and I’m amazed at one thing. The world they live in has produced a generational mindset—a shared paradigm—if you will. Continue Reading

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Bill Gates Believes the AVCA Convention is Extremely Important

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Bill Gates Believes the AVCA Convention is Extremely Important

Posted on 19 May 2013 by Chuck Rey

Bill Gates volleyball 300x200 Bill Gates Believes the AVCA Convention is Extremely Important volleyballThe now philanthropic Bill Gates starts this TED talk by saying, “Everyone needs a coach.” In Bill’s riveting speech about teachers, he provides information on why the United States is performing so poorly in all education subjects in comparison with the rest of the world. Shanghai, China ranks #1 in the world in Reading, Science and Math. Part of the reason Shanghai is #1 is because younger teachers get the opportunity to watch master teachers. Continue Reading

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Uncomfortable Coaching

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Uncomfortable Coaching

Posted on 12 May 2013 by Chuck Rey

Saw this great post by Vernon Gambetta, a coach of elite athletes of almost 40 years:

We talk a lot about having our athletes get out of their comfort zones to move forward and progress. How about us? As coaches we all have our comfort zones. Some of us are good in certain areas. Some of us can prepare an athlete for a league or a district meet and then are out of our element when we have to prepare for a state of national competition. In short we all have our comfort zones. Step back and do an honest evaluation of where you are as a coach. What are you comfortable with? Where are you uncomfortable? Is where you are comfortable holding you and most importantly your athletes back? I know I am pushing myself to get out of my comfort zone in certain areas. After 44 years of coaching it is tougher to do but I know it must be done. It may mean little things, but a succession of little things could make a big difference. What are you going to do today to get out of your comfort zone to help make your athletes better?

I hear the same things from Karch Kiraly in a Q&A session:

Karch Kiraly webinar 300x163 Uncomfortable Coaching volleyball“Learning is an uncomfortable process and we have to take some time everyday being uncomfortable and pushing ourselves at the edge of our ability level.”

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Goal Setting

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Goal Setting

Posted on 01 March 2013 by Chuck Rey

This is a piece I wrote for the Art of Coaching Volleyball…

The Next Coaching Move

The Next Step Goal Setting volleyball

Terry Liskevych asked me to contribute to The Art of Coaching Volleyball to provide my perspective, from a younger coach’s vantage point. This post is about my decision making process to move from an assistant coach position at Winthrop University to an assistant coach position at Miami University. Continue Reading

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What Coaches Should Focus On

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What Coaches Should Focus On

Posted on 07 January 2013 by Chuck Rey

John Kessel Chuck Rey 300x188 What Coaches Should Focus On volleyballHad a very successful weekend of coaching clinics for the USAV Palmetto Region. John Kessel spoke his magic about specificity, demonstrated effective and efficient drills, and stories galore about the development of our great sport. Heather Vahjen gave a great session on recruiting, and I spoke on “What Coaches Should Focus On vs What Coaches Typically Focus On”. We had a very nice turnout out and appreciated the attentive and eager coaches that wanted to continue to learn. Continue Reading

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USA Volleyball Coaching Clinic in Charleston

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USA Volleyball Coaching Clinic in Charleston

Posted on 04 January 2013 by Chuck Rey

John Kessel Chuck Rey USA Volleyball 300x225 USA Volleyball Coaching Clinic in Charleston volleyballThis Saturday, I am fortunate to be doing a coaching clinic with USA Volleyball’s John Kessel and Erskine Head Coach, Heather Vahjen. Through this silly little website, I’ve had a great opportunity to connect with John over the past few years. He has a silly little Growing the Game blog too, well his isn’t as silly as mine, but we often share concepts. He’s probably a bit weary of me pestering him with ways to help grow our game, but I know my pestering is what he appreciates most. Continue Reading

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Protected: Coach Chuck Rey Volleyball Portfolio

Posted on 19 December 2012 by Chuck Rey

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Hugh McCutcheon on Coaching

Posted on 01 November 2012 by Chuck Rey

http://youtu.be/MlmB6y7wWX8

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What to Do When You Don’t Win

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What to Do When You Don’t Win

Posted on 07 October 2012 by Chuck Rey

Rob Browning St.Marys Volleyball What to Do When You Dont Win volleyballEven great teams struggle. I often believe the struggle is a gift, but it certainly doesn’t feel much like a gift when your team is going through it. As a coach, I have learned it is important to reflect on the positives and strengths of the team, not only physically, but especially mentally, and to believe in the process.

Last year, John Kessel distributed a Gold Medal Squared article written by Rob Browning, St. Mary’s Head Coach, as his team was going through the “gift” of the struggle. It is a great article (below) with a great message, but it didn’t mean much to me last year as our Winthrop team was rolling and ended the season 20 – 8 and Big South Regular Season Champs. This season, we have an even better team, but nine freshman. Yes, nine. Even us “old” coaches have fallen into the societal/technological trap of instant gratification and want a faster result for our team. Continue Reading

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Hugh McCutcheon on Coaching Men vs Women

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Hugh McCutcheon on Coaching Men vs Women

Posted on 21 June 2012 by Chuck Rey

USA Hugh men women 300x154 Hugh McCutcheon on Coaching Men vs Women volleyballThis past Sunday, I was in a volleyball conundrum. The USA Men and the USA Women played at the same time. Ironically in very different time zones as the men played France in France and the women played Brazil in Brazil. Both coming out victorious, 3 sets to 1 set, on the opponent’s home court. I spent part of my Sunday flipping screens on my computer to watch them both. Continue Reading

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25 Failsafe Rules for Dads (Coaches) Raising Daughters (Female Athletes)

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25 Failsafe Rules for Dads (Coaches) Raising Daughters (Female Athletes)

Posted on 18 June 2012 by Chuck Rey

Even though our objective as a volleyball coach is to coach volleyball, we are also teaching life lessons through volleyball. The following list fittingly came out in time for Father’s Day and many of these points can apply to male coaches coaching female athletes. Continue Reading

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Doug Beal for President

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Doug Beal for President

Posted on 11 May 2012 by Chuck Rey

Doug Beal FIVB President Doug Beal for President volleyballIn an election year, there is no better option for President than Doug Beal! He’s not a Democrat, not a Republican, nor Independent. He’s just Doug. I’m sure he has the wit and capacity to do a better job than most politicians, but the world is better off to keep him in volleyball. Doug Beal, CEO of USA Volleyball, is running for President of the FIVB.

Doug’s launched a website for his race to FIVB President: DougBeal.org The only problem I see with his campaign is a wicked good campaign slogan, so I’ve decided to come up with a few of my own: Continue Reading

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After 48 Years, Dick Katte Retires

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After 48 Years, Dick Katte Retires

Posted on 12 March 2012 by Chuck Rey

 

Denver Christian coach Dick Katte wraps up his legendary career

Coach, teacher, husband: After 48 years and hundreds of wins, he measures success by lives influenced
 By Neil H. Devlin

The Denver Post

Read more: Denver Christian coach Dick Katte wraps up his legendary career – The Denver Post http://www.denverpost.com/preps/ci_20096566#ixzz1ovUdtOzfIt was 1960 when Dick Katte and his college sweetheart, the woman who had become his wife after taking the initiative to ask him out on a date, decided to split the difference between their home states of Wisconsin and Washington and settle in Colorado. It seemed to be a logical place to begin their journey together after Katte got his master’s at Indiana University. Continue Reading

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Yasutaka Matsudaira Passes Away – A Sad Day for Volleyball

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Yasutaka Matsudaira Passes Away – A Sad Day for Volleyball

Posted on 06 January 2012 by Chuck Rey

Yasutaka Matsudaira Yasutaka Matsudaira Passes Away   A Sad Day for Volleyball volleyballThe volleyball world lost a great coach and leader, Yasutaka Matsudaira.  Mr. Matsudaira, Men’s Head Coach of Japan’s  1972 Olympic Gold Medal winning team, was a master strategist and pioneer of the fast style (Asian-style) offense prevalent in the game today.  His offense proved that ball control and a fast offense can dominate over power and height.  Mr. Matsudaira went on to be the President of Japan Volleyball Association, the first Vice President of the FIVB was the first international coach inducted into the Volleyball Hall of Fame. Yasutaka Matsudaira put Japan on the map in the volleyball world. Continue Reading

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The Art of Coaching Volleyball

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The Art of Coaching Volleyball

Posted on 30 October 2011 by Chuck Rey

john dunning russ rose terry liskevych 300x125 The Art of Coaching Volleyball volleyballIf you haven’t already checked out John Dunning, Russ Rose, and Terry Liskevych’s new website, The Art of Coaching Volleyball, it is a great resource for all levels of volleyball coaches. I appreciate the insight of Terry’s defensive strategy, I spent time picking up great tips from John Dunning through an hour long setting video tutorial, and listening to Russ Rose always provides interesting perspective and candor.

I hope the website continues it’s approach to providing great volleyball content to better our sport.

the art of coaching volleyball 300x127 The Art of Coaching Volleyball volleyball

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Tips for New Volleyball Coaches

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Tips for New Volleyball Coaches

Posted on 28 August 2011 by Chuck Rey

tangled volleyball net Tips for New Volleyball Coaches volleyballIt’s that time of year again, when new seasons start, new coaches are looking for advice on coaching.  I typically get a flood of emails in August and hope this blog post will help provide some guidance.

I’ve been coaching for 8 years now.  5 years collegiality and 3 years on the high school and juniors club scene.  There was a two year stint at East Valley Juniors in Arizona while I was at Arizona State, which could be considered coaching, as  I learned a bit from that experience.  I was the head coach of a team there and assisted with Jeff Nelson’s team (now University of New Mexico’s Head Coach) where Jenn Snyder (beach professional) was just a young pup.  Oh how the times have change or maybe they’re all the same.  I would though like to reacquaint myself with the great little players from my East Valley Juniors 14 – 2s Team.  I’d love to know what they are doing, where they are, what they are doing in their lives…etc.  I digress icon wink Tips for New Volleyball Coaches volleyball Continue Reading

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New Year’s in Italy with Russ Rose

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New Year’s in Italy with Russ Rose

Posted on 26 June 2011 by Chuck Rey

Russ Rose Italy New Years in Italy with Russ Rose volleyballWinthrop’s new Head Coach, Julie Torbett, played at Penn State under Russ Rose and the open communication leads to great opportunities like New Year’s in Italy with Russ Rose.  Unfortunately, the opportunity does not include a free trip to Italy with Russ Rose (and please keep in mind, I am not get paid for any advertisements or promotions on this website), but a pipeline to insight and knowledge of the 5 time NCAA Champion Coach.  I am hoping to catch some of the spillage when the statistics pot boils over, but you can learn from Coach Rose, firsthand in Italy this coming New Year’s.  Sounds like an opportunity of a lifetime. Continue Reading

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What a Volleyball Coach Can Learn From a Four Star General

What a Volleyball Coach Can Learn From a Four Star General

Posted on 24 June 2011 by Chuck Rey

Stanley McChrystal four star general What a Volleyball Coach Can Learn From a Four Star General volleyballFour-star general Stanley McChrystal shares what he learned about leadership over his decades in the military. How can you build a sense of shared purpose among people of many ages and skill sets? By listening and learning — and addressing the possibility of failure.

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Coach Chuck Rey is Assistant Coach at Miami University


Prior to this position, he was Assistant Coach at Winthrop University, the University of Minnesota and Georgia Southern University.

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